Dear Tristan

Class of 1998 … and the surrounding classes –

Because in those glorious times anyway (those being the late 90’s) Roseau High School graduated anywhere from 96-110 young adults each year so – let’s face it, we all knew each other. 

Most of you were related, and the majority of us dated at some point.

I’m going to throw out a few names:

-          Green Day

-          Tom Petty

-          Dee Brown (“…. SUCKS!”)

These three (I’m really not even super sure who the last guy is?) probably remind you of one person: Tristan Sjaaheim.

I know I’m not alone in this.

Tristan Sjaaheim is a memorable character.

My heart and mind are flooded with emotions so I’m trying to sort through them by putting thought to paper.

I guess … Enjoy the ride.

Dear Tristan –

I don’t have a whole lot of high school memories that don’t involve you.
Here are a few from my highlight reel.
 It’s OK.
They’re PG.

Jubilee Foods. Good God we could write a book about Jubilee Foods. The loading docks. The meat department. Stocking shelves. Playing hide & seek. You & Larry taking senior pictures in your gold ties… Seriously! Who spends SO MUCH time at a grocery store?! Is it because that, Video Box & Tanning, Jake’s corner, and the bank parking lot were the only places to go in Roseau? I mean – Probably. But I think it has a lot to do with people just wanting to be around YOU. 

   

“White Lightning” – That FREAKING car. It was green and … brown? So of course you named it White Lightning. You would pick me up for school and by the time you got to my house, the windshield STILL wasn’t defrosted so I would stick my head out the window and give you directions. It was OK, though. I was wearing my dad’s green army jacket in the winter months so I was always warm. AND lookin fiiiiine.

Tristan. We skipped school. A Lot. Our moms know now. Sorry, ladies!!!

I remember one time you and I went down to my mom’s classroom to BEG her to write a note to get me out for the rest of the day (I’m guessing at some point Peggy, Sharon, and Donna called me on my bullshit and I had to stop forging notes) and my reason was … because we weren’t doing anything … and you were standing on the other side of the door, kind of rocking back and forth and making the TristanFace and just repeating “not a thing. Not a damn thing” in this weird southern accent. I can actually picture this. And then we said it for years to crack each other up. Sometimes, even now, I’ll say it, and it makes me smile.

Remember when I meant to flick you off but I gave you a thumbs up? More than once? (I want to say Dan Stauffer was there?)

The Rampage. Our esteemed high school newspaper. You and Larry made it amazing.

I remember Larry’s Senior Spotlight. The question was “Who would you like to be stranded on a deserted island with?” And he said “The Sjaaheims or the Slatterys” and it was the best answer ever. It’s what I would have said (plus the Lundbohms) had I been that clever – I probably referenced Mel Gibson in mine and for that, I cannot apologize enough.

Gwen Sallberg used to come home and tell Tristan & Larry stories at the supper table.

And then, a couple years later, you randomly mowed their lawn when they were out of town, cooked up a nice batch of bacon … and put it just out of reach from the dog who was tied up outside. Asshole.

Speaking of your experience with the RHS teachers … Ballpark it for me, T: How many times did you put Nick Gerulii’s boat / house up for sale in the Roseau Times Region?

OK. Remember that one time your mom and I brought you to Grand Forks for knee surgery … largely so she and I could shop at the Columbia Mall …. Where our day of fashion meant both Maurices AND Vanity… The doctors let us come into the prep room with you and as they were getting you ready, they just nonchalantly stuck a needle in your arm for the IV. I tried to avert my eyes. I tried to be cool … but everything went black and I went down. Face down. Hard. In your mama’s lap. I woke up in a bed across from you. One nurse had a juice box in my face, another was fanning me, and someone else had some sort of snack – I want to say raisins? – and was trying to feed them to me.

There you were – in your hospital gown and adjustable bed across from me – sitting half-way up, a needle sticking out of your arm with that GRIN, gesturing at your arm and saying…. “Um … a little help??” You always did have the perfect lines.

I adored your mom. I always will. You and your brothers would tease her about all of the pictures she would take… Now I’m so thankful she has them.

Tristan. You freaking called me “Swamp Thing” in Mrs. Livingston’s 4^th grade class. Like, all year. I was pretty sure it wasn’t a compliment, but even then, you were the kind of quirky that I liked, so maybe there was a hint of sweetness there? No? OK. Whatever, dude.

Kate and I were always in competition with you and Larry to see who was closest. One afternoon, we played an ultimate game of Taboo. I was trying like crazy to get Kate to guess "ibuprofen" and when she gleefully exclaimed "Acetaminophen!" ... well, it was one of thee best moments EVER in that Park Road rec room. 

In college, we got tattoos together. YOU got Winnie the Pooh as a nod to your sister.
We had some drinks with my roommate later and he gave Pooh a top hat and cane with a Sharpie and really classed him up…  
Right after we got inked, your mom took pictures. My mom … well, my mom knows now. Sorry again, Mom! 😉

Oh my gosh – Remember stealing signs?? Aaaah my run-in with the law.
We got a bit over our skis with these. 

We would take signs (no - not ever stop signs or anything!) and then, we just stashed them in your barn. Because we had the best ideas.
And then that fateful day when you pulled in the yard, and there they were: all the signs we had pilfered (there’s a Jubilee Foods word!)  – scattered out front.
And you heard your mom yell those three little words, “KIM! He’s HOME!”

I'm pretty sure you got your ass kicked by Ma & Pa Sjaaheim - verbally anyway.

Remember the green screen in your barn? So cutting edge back in the late 90’s. And the videos you made?? Like, hundreds of sketches. I was so excited just to be part of them. The minds of Tristan & Larry (and when you joined forces with Mike, Vince, Sam, Joe, etc.) will forever be legendary. And also Pete saying “After this I probably will ….” on repeat. I can’t be the only one who remembers this. And, again, says it from time to time …. Right?

One of my personal favorites would have to be the 1997 / 1998 RHS Boys Basketball lowlight tape. When you said - "Hey. Enough with the highlight reels. Let's focus on those lowlights."
And you had Coach Lang on a loop doing the Traveling sign to the song “Intermission” – the Offspring version. You’re welcome for the earworm. All 48 seconds of it.

You used to spit your freaking gum in the air – like, way in the air – during basketball warm-ups and catch it again. I was like “THAT is my boyfriend.”

So, senior year (I think it was senior year?) Tember and I went to prom in Canada – because we were invited by some nice Canadian boys. You and Kate also came. Like, you got all dressed up and came with us and you had zero affiliation with the school – or the country – whatsoever. But it was such a blast! The six of us – out on the dance floor – requesting Tom Petty, and doing the Defense Dance for hours.

After we graduated, you visited me in Fargo quite a few times. I worked at the Olive Garden so we would go there to eat (because I got a big fat discount). I remember sitting and eating with you and some cheesy, instrumental Italian music started playing and you asked me to slow dance with you in the booths (well and of course I did) and you stage-whispered to our fellow diners, “This is our song.” Good GOD you were funny. And sporadic. We weren’t dating then – We just GOT each other.

We were tight, T.

In our formative years, you were one of my Tops.
I remember my dad saying once that he was so happy that I had surrounded myself with nice guys. And he had referenced you and Larry and Anderson and all those people in Our Group … and he was right. We all surrounded ourselves with Nice Guys. 

Good people. 

Fun-loving, genuine stinkers with a passion for one-upping each other. Always.

You made your mark, Natsirt.

People loved you.

But at some point, I bet it got tiring.
I bet there were more than a few times, as the years went on, that you didn’t get the laughs as easily and freely as you had in your younger years.

And – like most do, I bet you discovered that with just a couple of drinks, you got the laughs, and didn’t even need to try real hard.
And I bet after a while, it took longer and longer to reach that level of unbridled belly laughs you used to treat us all to.

I have to assume it created a cycle - when you made people laugh, it made you happy. And we all want to be happy. And if a few cocktails made you and the people around you happy, what's the harm in that?  

The curse of being so inherently creative and funny: You know how good it feels to make people laugh and you're always striving to deliver.

And I hate it, but I didn’t talk with you for years. 

I asked people about you from time to time - I kind of kept tabs on you from a distance - but I didn’t reach out. 

Even when I heard you were having a tough go. 

I didn’t reach out.

And I can’t explain how I feel at this moment.
Because God damn it.
You are one of my all-time favorites.

You are probably on everybody's short list of favorites.

So, I’ll always carry with me so many incredible memories. Stories. Songs. So many sayings. Expressions – Oh! My own children pose for pictures making the Tristan & Larry Face.

Like it or not, you’re GStreet Legends.

But there’s no way you knew that.

When you were here.

Yes. I’m carrying so many wonderful memories of YOU. And those are treasured and tucked away.

But I’m also always going to carry an incredibly heavy sadness. 

Because I wish I had reached out.

T – You had some demons. And you dealt with them for a long time. But you were so incredibly loved. YOU radiated love.

So, my fellow teenage DJ from the airways of Roseau’s KJ102 station (Oh! Remember when you got in trouble for playing Green Day?? Remember when we used to visit each other at the radio station?? Remember when EVERYONE used to visit when we worked at the radio station…??) … I’ll close with this – because there is NOTHING more 1998 than this song … 

“So take the photographs and still frames in your mind ….. hang them on a shelf in good health and good times … tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial … for what it’s worth, it was worth all the while… it’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right, I hope you had the time of your life.”

A life lived bright and cut short.

We won’t ever, ever forget you, Tristan Eric Sjaaheim.

Love always –

B

P.S. Vegetarianism is NOT stupid and Bette Midler is AMAZING.